You Refuse to Believe that You Ever Liked Pink by Dena Elisabeth Eber

In August of 2020, my daughter Margaret announced the new name and non-binary identity as Alex (no pronouns), and while I fully support this, I am learning who the new person is, learning to love who Alex is becoming, and considering my own evolution as a mother. My project, Becoming Alex unfolded over a year during which Alex and I came to understand what our transitions looked like and meant. As a young adult with autism spectrum disorder and countless physical ailments, Alex struggles to exist in a world that seems to run counter to how my child understands it. Along with the gender transition, Alex came into an awareness as an asexual (ace) adult, and this portfolio reflects the search for all these identities. Even after a year of growth, Alex and I are still learning to navigate our relationship, define our roles, and how to claim our place in contemporary society.
Dena Elisabeth Eber
Dena Elisabeth Eber’s courageous portrayal of her daughter’s gender transition to Alex, and Eber’s own evolution into a loving and caring mother of a seemingly new person reveals the struggles and strengths of both mother and child.

The project, You Refuse to Believe that You Ever Liked Pink documents the year during which Alex and Dena came to understand what their mutual transitions looked like and meant. As a young adult with autism spectrum disorder and countless physical ailments, Alex struggles to exist in a world that seems to run counter to how Dena’s child understands it.

Along with the gender transition, Alex came into an awareness as an asexual (ace) adult, and this book reflects the search for all these identities. Even after a year of growth, Alex and Dena are still learning to navigate their relationship, and how to claim their place in contemporary society.

Eber’s book not only investigates Alex’s identity, but also how a mother transitions with her transgender child. Dena Eber has mentored and supported similar young adults, but this time, she’s the mother. This work is her experience, and at the request of Alex, it reveals her child’s experience as well. Dena created this book for herself, for Alex, and for all those who love and care about someone who is transforming away from their birth gender.

You Refuse to Believe that You Ever Liked Pink examines the relationship between Dena and Alex through changing circumstances, supported by the unconditional love that they hold for one another. Dena’s images and text messages between mother and child reveal her pain and joy as she mourns the loss of who she thought Margaret would be and falls in love with the person that Alex is becoming.




Dena Elisabeth Eber
Dena Elisabeth Eber is an artist based in Northwest Ohio whose artistic endeavors include VR art works, photography, and interactive installations. Dr. Eber is a Professor of Photography and Digital Arts at Bowling Green State University where she has taught since 1997. She earned her Ph.D. and her MFA in Art from the University of Georgia, and her MS in Computer Science and her BS in Mathematics from Colorado State University.

The book contains an essay by Alexa Dilworth, publishing director and senior editor at the Center for Documentary Studies (CDS) at Duke University (Durham, NC). She also directs the awards program, which includes the Dorothea Lange–Paul Taylor Prize.